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Kind of a ho-hum episode overall this week: No one was shot, or even directly threatened with death! Even Kimberly was mellower than a sloth on Prozac!
The Matt Slot this week belongs to ... Sydney, who still managed to toss off a couple of killer lines in her brief appearance. Construction continues around Melrose Place; the nuclear power source should be operational any moment now.
Richard talks to new staff photog Jo. He asks her to remind Jane what a swell guy he is and that he's the man to make her happy. (I thought that was Calvin Klein.) Jo says, "Jane's very lucky." "No -- I am." SAP!
Jo returns to MP to see Jake relaxing in the now-repaired pool. (Are those pirahna I see?) He invites her to join him in the waters (uh oh -- I sense a terrifying baptism scene). As Jo walks up to her apartment to get her bathing suit, Shelly walks in wearing a nice bikini and carrying beer! (Ah, she's wisely appealing to Jake's two primal needs.) Jake The Baptist invites Shelly into the pool as well! Jo comes down and lamely tells Jake that she "just remembered" important work she needs to do. Jake, not quite as stupid as Billy, sees right through her. He goes to her pad and they "discuss" Shelly. Jake is amused that Jo is acting jealous. Jo rants about Shelly's "sprayed-on" bikini and chews Jake out for inviting Shelly in the pool. (I'm not making this up!)
Later, Jo and Jane discuss men. Jo says of Shelly: "I don't feel like competing -- emotionally or physically." (Mental competition is unheard of in Los Angeles.) Jo asks Jane about Richard. Jane gets defensive and says she can't afford to have her attention divided between her professional life and a relationship. As they leave the courtyard, Shelly pops up and tries to placate Jo, "I sleep on the couch." Jo does not want to make nice.
As Jo is wrapping up a photo shoot in a fancy hotel, she gets a call from Jake: "Stop what you're doing and come up to Room 1720." He's rented out a suite, bought some champagne and roses, and gives her an autographed picture of Tom Brokaw -- clearly, he's gone all out. Jo says this tactic won't work; besides, she likes Peter Jennings. Jake then apologizes for not being more considerate during this Shelly affair (oops, bad choice of words) and says the magic words, "I love you -- and I need you." Oh, Jake! They kiss and all is forgiven.
At Hart-Mancini, Jo and Jane are wearing truly evil clothes -- silver and black leftovers from old "Lost in Space" episodes. Jane is now also wearing Richard's engagement ring, BUT she doesn't love him! "Richard's good for me -- I'll just learn to love him." Jo doesn't look optimistic.
At Shooter's (The Only Bar in Town), Shelly comes up behind Jake and starts giving him a massage. Jake stops her and says that no matter how ravishing and incredibly desirable Shelly may be, he loves Jo. He politely suggests that Shelly find her own pad. Shelly says she'll look tonight, but tells him that he has misunderstood her: "I just want you to know that any infection [Well, that's what it sounded like!] I feel for you is purely friendship." Yeah, right! She gives him a lingering kiss on the cheek. Jake smiles tightly! (He should wear the "relaxed fit" blue jeans!)
At the hospital, Chief Hobbes, Michael, and Peter are all served with subpoenas. As Hobbes reads it, he says he didn't make any anti-gay statements. Michael puts on a straight face and says, "Oh yes you did. I heard every word, and I'll have to testify to that in court." He gloats! (Week after week, he is consistently the most entertaining character on the show.) Hobbes walks off fuming, and Peter chastises Michael for possibly jeopardizing their new practice for the sake of his friend. Michael turns the tables: What about Peter's treatment of Kimberly? If Hobbes falls and Michael becomes chief surgeon, he'll make sure Peter is unable to help Kimberly get out of the asylum.
Peter quizzes Kim about Henry, but she can't help. He returns to his office, where Sydney is loudly complaining to Michael on the phone about the photo of Jane and Richard on the cover of a fashion magazine. (Gee, she seems to have forgiven Michael quickly.) She asks Peter, "How is Kimberly? Is she drooling yet?" He asks her for the Mancini Update. She says it's as "quiet as a patient after electroshock!" Yowsa! Burns keeps his cool and goes into his office to use the phone. He calls Kimberly's mom (and Syd secretly listens in). He tells Mrs. Shaw that her daughter is Not Well -- she's had a breakdown and "tried to hurt some people." Yeah, you could say that! He wants to know who "Henry" is. Mom's eyes grow wide. She tells Peter that she can't help him and she hangs up.
Later, she shows up at the asylum and wants to take Kimberly out. Peter politely presses her on the subject of Henry. She yields and tells Kimberly's origin story to Kim and Peter. Henry was the gardener, and years ago, when Kimmie was about 8, Henry came to the house and attacked Mrs. Shaw. He began to rape her. (We see most of this as a fuzzy gray flashback; they couldn't afford color flashbacks in the '60s.) The young Kim witnessed all of this and saw her mommy being hurt, so she grabbed a knife and stabbed Henry to death! (Holy Michael Myers, Batman!) The parents were able to cover this up. Kim blocked this from her memory, and the mother thought that was a good thing. She also says that's why she's been so distant from her daughter; she was afraid that she would eventually tell Kim the truth. Kimberly is stunned by this news. (Don't tell me we're supposed to start feeling sympathetic toward her now?!?)
Hobbes offers Matt lots of money to call off the lawsuit. Matt rejects it, both as a bribe and as a settlement. Hobbes says he'll see that Matt can't get a job anywhere in L.A.; Matt responds that once HE'S through with Hobbes, he never work at a hospital again! Oooo, Matt gets tough!
At the asylum, Kimberly is going, well, nuts. She can't take it here much longer. Peter tells her some "Knowledge is power" nonsense. He vows that he'll soon be able to prove that she's not insane and that he'll get her out. (But wait a second -- if she's NOT insane, then won't she stand trial for murder, bombing, double parking, etc.?)
That night, Brooke and Billy are working at home. "Daaah, concentrate!" Brooke is worried that Big Daddy Armstrong hasn't called lately; that means he's planning something. (Brooke, have you been peeking at the script again?) The phone rings. Brooks gets it, but it's not Daddy -- it's Jack! He wants to see her; he REALLY wants to see her. Brooke tells her idiot husband that it's a bill collector (Billy forgot to pay for the Shannon Tweed Film Festival on Pay-Per-View). Jack says that if she doesn't want him to come to her house, she had better meet him at 8:30 tomorrow morning. "OK, OK -- the check's in the mail." She hangs up. Billy says, "Daaah, ya know, Brooke, they say dat's one of the three great lies!" She puts on an innocent face: "Really?" Billy tries to give her a "calculating" look and fails miserably. (So Billy, what are the other two great lies? That Andrew Shue can act and that Jane is a great designer?)
Brooke meets Jack at some open, "neutral" area, apparently close to D&D. She says she's "flattered" by the attention, but she loves her husband. Jack says he knows that Amanda is alive. And do you know where Amanda always wanted to work? Advertising! He asks Brooke where Amanda is. Brooke plays dumb. Jack then kind of threatens her. She comes up with a bogus story about how she knew Amanda about 4 years ago ("I gave her some money, and she told me stories about working with William Shatner on 'T.J. Hooker.'"), but maintains that her meeting with Jack in Florida was a complete coincidence. Jack says that he'll be in town "on business" for another couple of days. Billy rounds the corner just in time to see Jack getting a little touchy-feely with Brooke.
As Brooke turns up at the office, Billy roughly takes her aside and demands to know what's going on. (Billy, you haven't known what's been going on at D&D for two years! Why so curious now?) She tells him most of the truth (leaving out the important info of how she blackmailed Amanda); Billy doesn't ask how Brooke met Jack. (You EEEdiot!) "Daaah, ya gotta tell 'Manda!"
Big Daddy Armstrong visits Alison. He's all smiles and says, "We both want Brooke and Billy broken up." She says she has no reason to trust him. He invites her to dinner on his yacht; he'll prove his good intentions. The next night, Alison goes to the yacht and tells Big Daddy that she doesn't want to interfere with Billy and Brooke's marriage, and she's decided it's time to get on with her life. He's disappointed, but invites her to stay for dinner anyway. He opens a bottle of champagne and pours her a glass. She picks it up (Hey, Alison! You're an alcoholic, remember?!), but then puts it down and decides she should just leave. As she walks down the pier, though, she trips on a coil of rope and falls into the water! Oh, the humanity! Daddy helps her out and they share mutual laughter at her clumsiness. Some time later, we learn that she did stay for dinner. "Since my clothes were wet, I didn't have any choice, unless I wanted to come up here naked." (Hmmm, I think Big Daddy wouldn't have minded.) As she goes to leave, they look at each other ...(No! Don't kiss him!)... their faces get closer ... they're about to lip-lock ... and Alison abruptly leaves!
At D&D the next morning, Brooke tells Amanda about Jack. Amanda Gapes! Then Jack shows up! Amanda flees before he can see her. Brooke intercepts him. He tells her that he's had detectives looking for Amanda, and that he knows she's here. Brooke says Amanda isn't here right now -- she's on vacation. Yeah, that's it! Vacation! Jack thanks Brooke for all her help. Oh, by the way, "I don't trust detectives. I didn't know Amanda was here until you just told me."
Amanda flees to the airport, but Jack finds her. (Hey, this guy's good!) She nearly panicks, but he tells her that he's a changed man. (Yeah, yeah...) All he wants now is a clean break; he'll stay in town just long enough to get an official divorce from Amanda and a new TV show after his guest spot expires.
Next Week: Brooke asks Alison about her father's interest in her. Jo tells Richard that Jane doesn't love him. (Blabbermouth!) Amanda shows Billy photos of herself after being beaten by Jack. Jack shows up at Amanda's place; she reaches for a knife and tells him to get out. Is the Ginsu Knife now the official corporate sponsor of Melrose Place?
--Ken Hart
