Episode 4: Simply Shocking


Good episode! Michael and Sydney save the day with lots of trashy behavior! And new evil partnerships are in the works. Repairs continue on the courtyard. Hurry up and fix the pool: It's in next week's coming attractions!

Michael, Sydney, Peter, Kimberly, and Matt:

Michael, in a weird, fish-eye-lens sequence (can anyone say "Twin Peaks"?), walks down a corridor in the prison to Kimberly's cell. For a few seconds, we even get Michael's point of view: The Mancini-Cam! Kimberly is standing tall behind a pane of plexiglass, a la Hannibal Lecter. (Say, that's not what her cell looked like last week... Hmmm, I smell...Dream Sequence!) He asks the evil-looking Kim how she is. She says, "I'm fine--but you're a dead man." She then rips out the sink and throws it through the plexiglass! (Well, Melrose has everything else -- it's about time they threw in the kitchen sink!) She picks up a shard of glass and stabs him repeatedly. Guess what? It's a dream sequence! Michael wakes in a stereotypical cold sweat, vowing that Kimberly will never get out of jail: Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

At the hospital, he tells the Bizarre Dr. Peter Burns that he's determined to keep Kim from getting out. Peter tells him to stay out of it. The chief of staff, Hobbes, pops up and comments on the doctors' new successful practice. He also mentions how things are looking up now that Matt Fielding is gone. Michael says, "I thought he was cleared of all charges?" Hobbes gleefully says he fired Matt and uses a decidedly Politically Incorrect term in the process. Michael is stunned and mutters to Peter that Hobbes had better watch his "bigoted mouth" or he'll face a lawsuit.

At Shooter's (The Only Bar in Town), Michael tells a drunken Matt what Hobbes said, encouraging him to file a suit claiming that he was fired on basis of his sexual preference. Matt (a particularly ugly drunk) isn't interested, and he's well aware that Michael is only doing this because Hobbes' dismissal would clear a path to the top for himself. Michael pushes the issue, saying that if Matt doesn't follow through, he'll be without a subplot for weeks.

In prison, Killer Bob (now officially called "Henry") taunts Kimberly. She gets flippy again. Peter and several others rush in, sedate her, then wheel her out to receive -- electroshock therapy! Gimme, Gimme Shock Treatment! Whoa! Peter is not thrilled; he stands by, seemingly on the verge of tears. ("I never did this to anybody on General Hospital.")

Back at the office, Syd lectures Peter about his bizarre devotion to Kim. Peter testily reveals that his sister was locked away in a psycho ward. Syd, surprised, says, "I didn't know you had a family." (What did you think, Syd? He was cloned?) He replies, "I don't -- it died with her." Then he threateningly warns her to forget everything he just told her. As soon as he leaves, though -- "Michael, get in here! Have I got news for you!"

A man from a local gay and lesbian anti-defamation group approaches Matt and offers his legal services. He reveals that Michael told him about Matt's dismissal. Matt angrily says he's tired of being labeled and rejects the offer. The man says that, like it or not, Matt must deal with the fact that he is part of a group and has certain responsibilities, such as standing by patiently while other characters get juicy subplots.

Michael and Syd get silly over drinks at the beachhouse. Although this is supposedly an Anti-Kim planning meeting (was I cc'd on this?), Michael is putting the moves on the intoxicated Syd, who oddly muses that she feels like "a ball, bouncing from relationship to relationship, scheme to scheme. The only constant seems to be you." He says, "Contrary to popular belief, I'm a truly wonderful person." As they kiss and she wonders about the plan, he says, "Syd, this IS the plan!" (Remember that line!) "Be gentle with me, Michael." "Not a chance!"

The next day, a heavily medicated Kim gets visitors: Syd and Michael! (Can they REALLY get access like that? Without even a guard present? Nah, didn't think so.) They announce that they're a couple again and start making out in front of her. Kimberly wigs out (no pun intended) and starts screaming at them from behind the bed (!). Peter charges in, shoves the duo out, and angrily tells Michael to stay away or face criminal charges.

Matt meets with the man from the gay organization. He's changed his mind and wants to file suit against Hobbes and that little kid he hangs out with, Calvin.

The latest installment of "Oh, That Michael": That night at the beachhouse, Michael is listening to high-brow music on the walkman, while Syd wants to get frisky. His response? "Sydney, get lost!" Yes, friends, Michael was playing Syd for a dope yet again! As the truth dawns, she says, "Oh, God -- I haven't learned anything, have I?" "Apparently not." He just wanted to drive Kim over the edge, and the scene would look more convincing if Sydney believed it! Michael's sleaziness is extremely refreshing!

Syd announces to Peter and Michael that she's quitting as receptionist. Michael is fine with that, but Peter quietly convinces her to stay. Ever the opportunist, Our Sydney feigns compassion for poor Kimberly. Peter will give her an extra $100 a week to keep tabs on Michael. "A spy?" she wonders excitedly. (Boy, she loves doing the spy stuff, doesn't she?)

Jane and Richard:

Jane meets with a big potential creditor, making a deal on behalf of Mackenzie-Hart. Richard comes in at the tail end of this, and he's not happy that Jane is doing this stuff without him. She softens him up a bit, then he proposes! (Is this guy a wuss or what? He's so full of sap he could keep a lumber mill running for months!) Jane happily says yes, BUT they should wait until after the big show before announcing it publicly.

Later, she is P.O.'d to learn that Richard blabbed about the engagement anyway! (And, gee, who could blame him?) He wonders why she's so upset. (Yeah, good question.) She calms down and says that she's always been pushed around by the men she gets involved with. She just wants to be in charge of her life. He says that he's NOT one of those men. (That's right, Richard, you're not -- those men were clever!)

At the big fashion show, things are going swimmingly: The models are on the catwalk, the photographers (including Jo) are snapping away, and Richard is very happy. (Wow, it's a good thing "Models Stink" was canceled, otherwise we certainly would have been forced into a crossover episode. Let's pause for a moment and give thanks ............................................................................. okay.) As soon as it's over, though, Jane walks out to take the applause! As Richard watches in shock, she says to the crowd, "I personally designed this line! Mackenzie-Hart had nothing to do with it! Don't cry for me, Argentina!" More applause! Richard grabs her backstage and tells her that she's betrayed the company -- she's fired! (Gee, is the engagement still on?)

Soon, though, Richard discovers the appetizing taste of crow (Eat it, pal): He tracks down Joggin' Jane and tells her he's prepared a press release praising Jane's work on the line. It turns out that the creditor told him, "No Jane -- no money." He tells Jane to name her price. She wants to call the company "Mancini-Hart." He says, "Hart-Mancini" or no deal. She agrees. But what about the engagement? It sounds like he's still interested!

Jake, Jo, and Shelley (this is quick):

Jake explains to a less-than-thrilled Jo that Shelly is Jess' ex-wife and that she came to L.A. hoping to get back together with Jess; Jake is going to let her stay with him for a couple of days. Jo tells him that he shouldn't divulge the details of Jess' death. Shelley comes out of the shower at that point, looking quite fetching in a bath towel. (Jo had obviously been hoping that Shelly looked like Shelley Winters.)

Shelly visits Jess' grave with Jake. She tells Jake that at least he had a chance to work things out with him. "Well...ah...now that you mention it..." Jake tells her in a nutshell how Jess died. She doesn't seem surprised; she knew what Jess was capable of. "He did MTV, Burger King commercials...a violent death was inevitable."

While visiting Shooter's, Jo is surprised to see that Jake has hired Shelly as Sydney's replacement. (Gee, isn't it nice how these plotlines dovetail?) Jo thinks this whole situation is odd. Jake says he's just being a nice guy.

Amanda, Alison, Billy, and Brooke:

While waking up, Billy overhears Brooke buying a round-trip ticket for one to Miami. He asks her what's up ("Daah, if yer buyin' a ticket fer one, where will I sit?"). She lies that she's going to check out a great real-estate prospect over there; she's looking for a way to invest her $10,000.

Alison reveals to Amanda that her sight has returned. Amanda says she doesn't approve of Alison not telling Billy, but she won't interfere. Alison tells Amanda about Brooke's spying. Amanda immediately confronts Brooke, who (again) lies. When Brooke asks who told Amanda she was snooping, Amanda says that doesn't matter, "but I'll be watching you closely from now on." Alison then walks in, doing a hilarious version of her Blind Act.

Back at MP, Billy reads Alison the morning papers, but only the happy stuff ("Wow, Alison, 'Family Circus' is really funny today. Gaaaah!"). Brooke successfully prevents herself from gagging and half-jokingly tells Billy to behave himself while she's away.

In Miami, Brooke's research successfully turns up the old newspaper notice of the wedding of Jack and Amanda Parezi -- and sure enough, it's Amanda! She drops by Jack Parezi's big house under the pretense that her car has broken down. Jack (played by Antonio Sabato Jr.) lets her in. There's a certain ambiance to the place; the style reminds me of -- oh, I don't know -- Late Mafioso?!? The living room is dominated by a huge (and BAD) portrait of Amanda. He says it's his wife Amanda, who died five years ago. Hello! Brooke recovers nicely, but Jack knows something's fishy. (What's that bad smell? Oh, it's her acting!) While Brooke calls the Triple A, he grabs a D&D business card from her purse.

Billy and Alison go over some account stuff at her place. As they're talking, Billy makes a series of horrifying faces and ear wiggles! His forehead scrunches up, revealing Andrew Shue's Cro-Magnon heritage. Alison starts smirking -- the ruse has been exposed by Billy's scary faces! She fesses up. He isn't thrilled that she lied to get his sympathy. He says, "It's over -- I married Brooke." Alison implies that he's trying to convince himself more than her. When Billy chastises her for lying, she says he should place the same conditions on Brooke.

Brooke returns to D&D in a particularly good mood. She confronts Amanda with the knowledge that she faked her own death five years ago to escape her marriage to Jack. Amanda grabs her by the throat and slams her against the wall!! (Yay!) Amanda relents -- she's really shaken. Brooke says she hasn't told Jack that his beloved wife is still alive. Amanda tells Brooke that she's in way over her head; Jack Parezi is a dangerous man. (What is he -- a network executive?) Amanda says, "Name your terms." Brooke acts shocked -- Blackmail? Me? Amanda says again, "Just name your terms." Brooke smiles, "I have a list!"

Later, Amanda calls a meeting with Brooke, Alison, and Billy to announce a restructuring. Brooke gets Alison's job, Alison is demoted, and Brooke gets the coveted corner office! Alison, now that her vision is restored, Gapes for the first time this season! She chases Amanda to the elevators and says, "Brooke's blackmailing you with something, isn't she?" Amanda tells her to butt out; her decisions are final. Say goodbye to the "nice" Amanda: "I'm back, Alison -- with a vengeance! Isn't it funny -- you butter yourself up, try to be human, and somebody punches you in the gut."

Alison later tries to convince Billy that Brooke has some sort of hold over Amanda. Billy pooh-poohs the idea that his wife got her promotion through evil means: "Daaah, mebbe she earned it!" "Billy, you simpleton! We're on 'Melrose Place'! Nobody here ever earns anything!"

Guess what? A plane lands from Miami. Jack Parezi arrives. The chauffeur says, "Do you intend to stay here long, Mr. Parezi?" "I don't know -- it all depends on what I find."

Next Week: Shelley puts the moves on Jake at poolside! Jack puts the moves on Brooke as Billy watches! (Jack and Brooke could be a good Evil Duo for the show -- I think the only way I could handle a season full of Brooke is if she dropped the coy stuff and went totally Bad.)

--Ken Hart

Use the arrows or return to the Melrose Place Master Menu!