This week, the characters spent a lot of time picking up the pieces from last week, and no one was left hanging around. The Matt Slot this week belonged to ... oooh, a toughie -- everybody had dialogue. Probably Jane.
Later, she calls Susan, and asks her to tell Billy about this meeting at the center for the group and the people who convinced them to seek help; it would mean a lot if (yawn) Billy could show up. Susan is not pleased -- but she says she'll relay the message. Terry gets rude again, and Alison gives it right back to him. He gets calm, and says that not only is he a recovering alcoholic, he's "sexually compulsed." He says when he sees someone like Alison, he's gotta have her. Alison takes this revelation surprisingly well! (Geez, even rehab patients aren't normal on this show.) He asks her not to tell anyone, and he apologizes for his earlier behavior.
Sure enough, the meeting comes and no Billy -- we see him and Susan making out on the couch. (Get that thing upholstered, for God's sake!) Alison then hops out the window of her room -- wow, she's really good at that! -- and goes on a drunken binge. Terry is waiting in her room when she returns, gives her tough talk, and tells her to sleep it off, and he'll stay there to make sure she does. The next morning, she thanks him for saving her butt. He says, "I watched you while you slept. I could hear the Old Me say, 'Take her.'" Again, Alison takes this news amazingly well! Terry says he just wants to see her get better.
Billy visits Alison, and she's mad. When Billy finds out why, he says he didn't know about the meeting and he certainly would have gone if he had known. Alison believes him. Billy confronts Susan, who at first pleads forgetfulness, but we find out that her mother was alcoholic, and Susan resents the fact that an alcoholic is again causing her to be ignored. She says that Alison has always been an expert at manipulating people. "And the Camille routine? It's worked every time!" (The 'Camille' reference goes completely over Billy's pointy head.) He says he won't desert a friend who needs his help. Susan demands that he stop seeing Alison. He says he can't -- "One way or another, I'm always going to love Alison and that's the way it is." Susan is NOT pleased.
Later, Billy returns just in time to see Susan moving out. He wants her to stay. She wants him to choose: Dump Alison or lose her. Billy won't make that choice. "I care for you, and that hasn't changed." Susan says, "Go to hell, Billy." See? I told you that line would pop up again -- the writers really got lazy this week. It's surprising how, in just one week, they managed to turn Susan from a nice, caring person (although the spoon-feeding of Andrew Shue was painful to watch) into a selfish brat. There must be something in the pool ... Alison and Terry briefly kiss, but she breaks it off and heads back to her room. Alison, my dear, why are you attracted to him? He's an admitted sex-crazed maniac -- I don't care how nice a guy he is! Is there some bizarre "he reminds me of Dad" thing going on? Ooooh, we're getting into a weird area here, folks.
Michael is obsessed with getting back together with Jane, believe it or not. Jane wants none of it. When he sends her flowers, she has them re-sent to Kimberly! Kimberly gets the flowers and reads Michael's love note to Jane! D'OH! When confronted by his psycho wife, Michael says it was just a joke -- don't you know a joke when you see one? Ha Ha Ha! She tells him to choose. He decides to stay with her and "Michael Jr." The baby sounds sick, but Kimberly refuses to let Michael take him to the hospital. Later, the baby develops a 105-degree fever. Kimberly says she got the baby on the Black Market (isn't that on the Home Shopping Network?) and she fears the hospital will take the baby away. Michael says he'll fake the paperwork, but they've got to get the baby taken care of. (The baby is a great actor -- he cries on cue!)
Jo confronts Michael at the hospital and tells him the truth. He agrees to her request to do a blood test. He later calls her to say that the tests prove Jo is the mother. She asks Michael for help, but -- wonderful scum that he is -- he says tough noogies to that. If he gave up "Michael Jr.," the baby would just go to Reid's parents. This way, Jo can still visit once in a while. Swine!
Next Week: Christmas in snowless Melrose Place! Peter threatens Micheal. Kimberly threatens Michael. Amanda threatens Peter. Alison hugs Billy -- Terry looks threatening.